Don't be blinded by love

Did you know that love can make people do all kinds of silly things? Even degrading your self respect?

I remember I was in this relationship once years ago whereby the whole relationship was problematic to begin with. Halfway through the one year that we were together, we've already threatened each other with countless times of break ups. His ex was always in the picture, which I definitely disliked alot. What do you expect when you're the reason of the guy's break up with his ex?

There was once where his ex told him that I emailed her current bf, in which I taught him how to bed her. Absurd as it may sound, he believed her! He never spoke a word about it to me, never even thought of asking my side of the story. Until one day when we were in the mist of a heated argument, he finally slurred it out saying "The things she said bout you are true, that's why you did those stuff.".

And what was my reaction? I was shot from no where, I didn't even know shot by what and whom. So I asked further, and finally knew the whole situation. What did I do? I was angry at first, mad at him for trusting his ex, for not trusting me, for doubting the kind of person I really am. Then I had a change of heart, I gave in to him, trying to reconcile what's left of our relationship.

Being me, I couldn't let it be when someone tried to sabotage me, I just can't take it. So I sent his ex an email, confronting her bout the accusation that she had made towards me. And also saying a sentence which sounded kinda similar to this "If your bf wants to bed you, do you think he needs my help? He's a guy for goodness's sake.". Feeling very accomplished over the email I sent, I thought that the problem was way behind me back then.

But heck no! That night, he called. He was mad and scolded me why in the world did I send such an email to his ex. At this moment, all I could think of was, what pepper and salt did she really added in. Then he went on saying being disappointed in me, saying that we are not meant to be together, saying that I'm not what he thought I was when he first knew me and etc. So the next thing I know, he wanted a break up. Again*

Knowing me, and knowing all the things he put me through, you'd think I'd agree to a break up immediately, but no~ LOL. I begged him. I cried on the phone in the toilet begging him not to break up with me, begging him to give me another chance, begging that I would change (wtf I don't even know what I did wrong). So ya, I cried for many many hours, begged for many many hours, through the phone, through sms. What did he do? He gave me the cold shoulders the entire time I was begging. Finally, the break up was called off that night, after about 6 hours of begging I think. With lots of other conditions, mind you.

Ever since then, there's always been this wound in my heart that never really healed. 2 months later, when I was wrapping his BD gift, tears were actually flowing down my cheek. I have no idea why would I let someone treat me like that. Did you know, I even received hints that he was having an affair yet I chose to close both my eyes, and pretend that nothing really happened?

It was in the form of sms, he sms me one morning saying he was taking the bus. 3 seconds later, I received the exact same sms from him, but with an extra "Honey" at the front of the sms. FYI, I don't like being called "Honey", and that wasn't the nick he had for me at that time. I shrugged and ignored the whole incident. Pathetic.

Anyway, it was over in a year's time, and though I was really upset bout the break up back then, I am glad it ended early. No girl in the world would ever deserved to be treated the way that I did.

What I'm trying to say here is, no matter how much you love someone, or no matter how perfect they seem to you right now, don't ever let them treat you any other ways than you deserve to be treated. It's just not worth it. There'll always be someone out there who will treat you the way you are meant to be treated, someone who will love you like the way you would love them, someone, that will eventually be your special one. So let go, before it hurts too much.

Being in love means listening to your heart most of the time. But when your brain starts whispering stuff to you, listen to it, do not ignore it, because the brain is not blinded by your feelings, and it clearly only wants to protect you from any harm.